Growing Up


I have been thinking a lot about how funny it is to grow up. When you are little and think about being an adult it feels like one day you wake up and are just supposed to GET IT. And I know you always hear people talk about turning around and their children having matured, or waking up one day to see life having passed by... but I wonder how often people stop and actually register doing something that makes you go... Huh. I think I just grew up a little. Because i'm not sure it ever stops.

I read all the time about people getting older and being able to go on all these trips and travels, but so many times I step back and think that to accomplish the most mundane things have been a 29 year journey for me. It is a bit trite to try and intimate that life is a journey, but I appreciate being able to treasure the moments between my husband and I (my ultimate travel partner) when we have just attempted to do something all by ourselves (like grown ups) and we pause to look at each other- holding our breathes to see if it is going to work.

A couple of instances this past week...

So naturally our furnace breaks this very last stretch of winter AND right before what we are all hoping was our last big snow. Well- you know we have no money... and no one can trust the repair guy to come out and be fair... so the next best option is to dive in and figure out whats wrong. We know it is screeching when we turn it on, we know it wont work on auto, so together we spend a weekend running a number of tests on what we discovered to be quite the rigging up of our ancient system in the basement. Now I wont bore you with all of our individual contributions since mine mostly consisted of the occasional, "Why dont you kick it and see what happens?" while Cole did the pulling apart of motors and motherboards, BUT... we got it all pieced back together.

I dont know how many of you have ever messed with stuff like this that you know nothing about, but if you ever go to tinker with your furnace, it tends to make quite a few somewhat alarming noises. TING, WHOOSH, SWEEEESH, BOING (yes there is a boing in your furnace) all in an effort to light a pilot and blow some heat. So here we stood. Switch in hand. Eyes locked and breath held. Anticipating the inevitable (and literal) blow up of our endeavors... We take a moment together and silently say, "here we go..." and flip the switch...

At this point I would love for the story to culminate with the actual fixing of the furnace, but it all ended up being pretty anticlimactic. We couldn't really fix it correctly, only Band Aid the problem until Summer, but still... the point was that those quiet moments... right before all hell could potentially break loose... thats when I always feel like we are on the verge of growing up a little. Fixing our own problems and fighting our own battles.

This business I have started is a whole nother growing story, but from the very beginning, the only thing Cole has worried about when it came to my business was our taxes. Who will we hire? How much will we owe? Can you handle the paperwork? PSH... Can I handle the paperwork? Of course! How hard could it be?

Weeeeellllll.... it was an experience. Again, I wont dwell on on the hair I pulled out to figure out how far in the red I went this first year, or the number of Google searches I did to lay the jargon out into lamen terms, but I did get the paperwork finished and all accurate, to my knowledge.

So we go to file online and Cole is just dying because he is just SURE we are going to owe thousands of dollars. When he is done with his info we already owe hundreds just from claiming me as a dependent for the year, but it was the only way to get our bills paid. With a knowing glance we give a quick chest bump for camaraderie and I dive in to enter my tax info and hope for the best.

Assuming most of you have filed online before you know there is that moment in the end when you hit the "Finish" button and are faced with what the damage is on your return? Well I grab Cole for the moment when our fate is being tabulated and again, we have the quiet, unknowing look. We have no idea what we are doing, but TICK, TICK, TICK- you can hear the clock. We stare-wondering to ourselves if the IRS will let us make payments to them and as I can feel us each age that much more, we click the mouse...

CHA CHING!!!! My business may not have made money for itself, but it did its part to pull us out of debt to the IRS and then some! Fist bumps all around as we both strut around in our big boy and girl panties at how we have it all together! You know? We just have it all figured out, dont we?

Haha... I love it! How a little at a time you have small glimpses of what it is like to have real problems and real responsibilities. But its ok, because its like always being on the cusp of a great adventure each day. Burning dinner, cars breaking down, leaks in the walls, stains on the carpet... those are the best journeys into adulthood to me. And I believe they are never ending...