Is It Me?


I think I am in danger of becoming quite the weirdo. I spend so much time alone that when I actually get around people I have been getting more and more awkward! I have been in the art world for years and  on the perimeter of my husbands science world too, so I have known some awkward loner types. I have always thought I did really well to not be one... never starting overly intelectual conversations about Deepak Chopra, but also never so socially awkward that I cant hold a conversation at all.

Lately, on the rare occasion we have gone out to dinner with friends I will just get so overly giddy that I will just giggle for no reason. Everyone looks at me like I am high or something. And it doesn't help that my husband always says, "Whats wrong with you?" But I cant always just apologize and say, "I dont get out much." because people quit thinking its funny and start knowing its true!

I knew it was getting bad before Christmas when I had to go to Cole's office Christmas party. It was at his boss's house and you should be able to imagine anything being called a party with a room full of scientists... it can be interesting. One would think however, as a "boss" aka the one in charge- the person who had us over to his home- would be able to at least make people feel comfortable! However we walked in in full winter gear, with our arms full of potluck contributions and presents for the gift exchange, and no one so much as looked at us twice, much less offered to take our coats, food, or show us where the gifts were put.  Not to mention this family had recently acquired a full size Doberman Pinscher that wasn't house trained or used to being around people, so why they had it out and about at a busy Christmas party is beyond me.

Now, I ran this past my mother and it has been passed down to me that when put in awkward situations, I am the first one to do my best to make everyone feel comfortable- even at other peoples houses. In this case, I took people's coats, showed them to the kitchen to deposit their food and put all the presents under the tree... at Cole's boss's house. I even took it upon myself to warn others of the Doberman and that he had a tendency to snap if you moved too fast, so BEWARE. Nonetheless it has been pointed out to me in my efforts to make others feel welcome I have a tendency to laugh too loud, talk too much, and tell inappropriate jokes... ok so sue me- I didn't see anyone else trying very hard.

It all came to a head however, when we began the gift exchange and, perhaps recognizing my hospitality, all of these scientists look to me to draw names and commandeer the game. Fine. No problem. I glide in my long pink dress from person to person so they can draw a name for the swap. All of a sudden, I haven't gotten halfway through when out of nowhere, I hear this awful snarling behind me and feel a charge coming forth. Before I turn around, this family's dog has bitten me- IN THE BUTT!!! In front of all of Cole's co-workers! AND it hurt! I was so startled and so embarrassed that my graceful hostess poise left me and as everyone stared at me, all I could say was, "I guess he thought he was getting a chunk of the Christmas ham!" ... you know- because of my butt in the pink dress.
Crickets. No one came to help me, no one asked if I was ok, and none of them even had the decency to laugh at my joke. I am sure they were all as stunned  as I was, but come on... we are supposed to laugh so as not to cry, right? Right...

Well, you better believe my hostessing was done for the night. First, because after all of that they didn't even have the decency to put the dog away and second... my loud mouth and wit were apparently not all that appreciated anyway!

So I spend the rest of our time at this "party" in a corner- ass to the wall to fend off more attacks. I went from awkward extremes I think... overly friendly to wallflower extraordinaire within the hour. As we were leaving and I was trying to dodge any more conversation, Cole's boss caught me on the way out.. He whispers, "But seriously... if there is any damage done, just send me the bill."

...

Really? Couldn't you just let me keep walking? Because, although I know he was just trying in his weird, I-am-a-big-scientist-and-have-money type of way to be nice... "Send me the bill" just sounds like its out of a movie! This meant I had to, of course, have a witty retort. And... I mean... I thought it was funny... I said, "Look, if I have any work done on my ass, it will just be lipo, so I will definitely send you the bill, as long as you dont look at it too closely!"

... of course he just stared at me. I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE!!!

So the last nail in my coffin of good intentions was the lecture I got on the way home from my husband about how weird I acted and how I embarrassed him. WHAT!!!??? I am a normal person in a room full of awkward scientists and I AM THE EMBARRASSING ONE??? This was a new low.

Needless to say I vowed to never attend another office Christmas party. But the longer I go, the more I think it may be appropriate just to keep me in all the time!

I mean... a girl cant just sit and talk to her dog all day, call herself an artist, and not act just a little weird, right? Or, is it just me?